Hot take: Amanda should stay with West

I’m only on episode 1 of in the city because the cast hasn’t hooked me in yet but seeing Amanda outside of Summer House and seeing her “city life” made something really clear to all of us Amanda doesn't h have many meaningful connections that are actually hers.

I remember thinking in S3 how pitiful it was that they needed to bring in friends for Amanda that she supposedly “worked with” aka Paige Hannah and Jordan. They got rid of the people she couldn’t or maybe never really tried to form a connection with and she still continued not to try with Danielle and Lindsay. And I’ll never forget how cruel she was to Jules.

Amanda always wanted to be queen bee or at least part of the in crowd but she never seemed to actually invest in women unless they were already part of the cool group. She would ice people out or just never bother getting to know them. We’ve all known girls like this. She thrives on male attention a la Jesse and even Carl and it always felt like that attention gave her more life than actual female friendship.

Even as the years went on Paige and Ciara felt like real friends. Amanda would kind of saunter in and out of the bed but it never seemed like she was really invested in them the same way. She’d stay back in her own bed and mope that Kyle came home late.

And I don’t even mean this as pure shade. I think she genuinely struggles to know who she is outside of a relationship because sadly I don’t think she really has had to.

Ciara asking her a few years ago in Old Navy what she wanted probably gave her an awareness of her lack of drive and her lack of identity outside Kyle. Because men have always provided that structure. The goal was to nail Kyle, get him to propose, marry him, move to Jersey and have kids.

Once the last two weren’t happening and she was openly talking about antidepressants and struggling I think she was left facing a much bigger question: who am I when I’m not Kyle’s girlfriend/wife?

Who is she? What is she living for? Who are her friends? Pretty much all of them were Kyle’s friends. And as Paige left and it was just her and Ciara I don’t think she clocked that this was where she should nurture the next phase of her life. Community. Girlhood. Deep platonic friendships that get you through the hard times. And these women were right there.

Hubb House even said it herself. She was shocked because she thought she and Amanda became best friends in the city and had really bonded. Once again Amanda didn’t seem to realize the women around her who were trying to lift her up were the relationships she should have been nourishing.

But much like her 20s she fell into the same habit. Another adult blonde man baby who HAS a personality even if he’s a clout chaser. He has a group of friends and is probably the life of the party. It gives her temporary sporkle, said in Brittany’s voice from VPR. She’s chasing that feeling like she’s a cheerleader trying to get the football star.

Amanda keeps attaching herself to men who already come with a world built around them instead of building one for herself. When in reality I think she needed to find her circle of women, be single and date herself to figure out who she actually is.

So when I saw her say she didn’t want to meet “our friends” and put on a face I was like oh dear, do you mean his friends? Because girl where are your friends. You threw so many away or never nurtured them and I don’t know if she’ll ever learn.

And honestly for the sake of her sadness maybe she should stay with West. Not because it’s healthy or romantic but because I’m not sure she knows how to be alone yet. You could see it too the sad half bun, Kyle commenting on how thin she’s gotten, the whole vibe of someone who looks depleted and is searching for someone to cling to.

West might be her shitty prize from the county fair. Not a soulmate. Not a healing era. Just another man with a social life and a personality she can borrow until she figures out whether she has one of her own.