Feeling hopeless as a new grad nurse

I work in a cardiac med surg unit with a patient ratio of 5-6:1 and I am almost done with my preceptorship. I’ll be on my own in a week or so and I don’t feel ready at all. I get 13 weeks of preceptorship and I was supposed to switch to night shift last week, but I stayed on days instead.

Today was a really bad day, I somehow managed to cry in front of my manager today at only 800am and ended up stepping off the floor for a bit. I was extremely overwhelmed, and my preceptor is having me be in charge this week so it’s just a lot right now. I had the managers up my butt RIGHT after report about things, asking me to page doctors and get meds and I hadn’t even looked at orders yet or had time to think. i don’t even wanna show my face anymore there bc im so embarrassed

I have horrible anxiety, lowkey depression, and get easily overwhelmed, especially in settings like this. I feel like i’m not good enough and not at a place i should be at 2 months into nursing. I feel behind. Idk how im gonna be okay on my own when im still unsure about so much and ask questions about things all day. med pass gives me so much anxiety bc i worry about not realizing i shouldn’t give something bc of a patients current state. i still struggle with knowing what iv meds hang primary or secondary or when to prime lines. still don’t know when i do the labs vs when the lab people do them. still struggle knowing all im supposed to chart. i feel so stupid and wonder how i even got my degree bc i feel so incompetent. the amount of phone calls i get where idk the answer to someone’s questions about my patients is crazy, and the worst part is not knowing where or how to find the answer

another thing is my anxiety is so bad that i was terrified of doing night shift, but my anxiety is so bad that i need the night shift environment. i need less noise, less business, more time to think. either shift, i don’t win and both bring a lot of anxiety. is it worth trying nights even if im so anxious about messing up my body and my circadian rhythm, i’ve never taken naps before, and have PCOS and GI issues from no gallbladder? im scared to mess up my body more. like i feel incapable of adapting to night shift but one bad day shift makes me wanna never step foot in there again