Drunk self Vs Self

So I'm kinda in the thick of it right now, but I needed to post this. My whole life I have been told my drunk self is my 'true self' (literally by my mum), or my 'best self' or 'there she she is, the girl I know' kinda crap.

I say kinda crap because I know it is harmful, but I also feel like it's true. I feel like growing older has grown this thick skin of anxiety around me that doesn't let people see the juice inside unless I'm pressed with alcohol into a coctail of insobriety and I hate it.

I want to find my true self again, I want to be happy without alcohol, and I want to be free from some, if not all, of the inhibitions I carry without drinking.

Does anyone have any insight on this?

P.s. I have done lots of therapy, and have signed up for more obviously, but it never seems to crack the code though hence the post.