Retaking

Hi guys, I am a Year 13 student and just want some advice from any previous A-Level retakers.

For some context, i take A level Sociology, Politics and I do C-TECH Business (which i have already achieved a distinction in)

I am 100% not going to do well in my A Levels. My mock results were E and a U and did not start revising early enough at all.

Im not looking for any sympathy or anything of the sort, this is completely my fault. Ive spent the last 2 years being lazy, procrastinating, lying, and scraping past doing the absolute bare minimum.

While this is completely and entirely my fault, a lot of this stemmed from the mental health issues i faced in sixth form. In GSCE's i was a bright, motivated and extroverted student and I passed all of my subjects. During GCSE summer, I went into a completely dark space, I joined a new school and was bullied for months, my mental health was at an all time low. I was suffering a bereavement around Christmas time year 12, which changed my mindset completely. I gave up. I didnt know what the point was anymore. I stopped paying attention in class, I got 3-4 hours of sleep every night and i stopped being kind to myself and taking care of myself.

Im aware that this sounds like me just feeling completely sorry for myself but now one and a half years later, im doing better mentally. The bullying stopped, I made good friends and whilst i carry my grief with me, it doesnt have the hold on me it used to. (Alot of yap im so sorry lol)

Anyways, like i said i know I'm going to fail these exams. The issue i have is that I do the exams, look at the questions, and as a lot of people do, go, damn I actually do know this and its easy, I shouldve just revised it more.

I plan on taking a gap year next year anyways, but now I really want to just retake Sociology and Politics. I know the subjects, i just really need to apply so much more.

Im quite confident that retaking privately will help me alot more. Not having to wake up at 6AM everyday, taking the bus and the train to go to a school where i hate everyone. I can wake up at 9am instead. Go on walks, go to the gym, do driving lesson, revise and go to work. Im lucky that i work in a pub, so i typically do evening shifts after 5/6 o clock and my manager is lovely and works around my schedule. I genuinely feel like I can do that.

Obviously retaking privately is really expensive, ranging from £400 - £700 for the 2 subjects. Crazy!! Im grateful that I have enough saved from working part time through 6form because the last thing I would want to do is put that on my parents, who Im already letting down.

I truly want to do this for myself, to make the girl I was a year and a half ago proud and also for my parents. My parents are strict, and are aware I am struggling, I know they are extremely disappointed, but don't want to worry or pressure me anymore. They have genuinely done so much for me and truly would love to see the smile on their faces on results day - thats my bigger picture.

I feel like a mess currently. Im failing. I have no clue what i want to do in the future, im surrounded by classmates who have their next 20 years planned out easily.

Im certain i want to retake next year, but havent spoken to my parents about it yet. Idk what the best time to is either. After i complete my exams? Results day?

Also idk if this is important, but I'm like 80% sure I dont want to go to uni, I want an apprenticeship as I genuinely love actually working. The problem is i have no clue what i want to do it in. I think that next year through to the summer after i retake, i can try to figure out what apprenticeship i want to pursue. i can continue working at the pub that after that year, while doing online/ in person work experience in other subject to build up my application.

Im also nervous about what my schools response will be for my results. I know me failing looks bad on my teachers, which makes me feel extremely guilty. Also my sixth form teachers have been supportive throughout my struggles so i just feel like ive let them down so much.

I would really like some advice from previous a-level retakers. Were you successful? Does this sound like a good idea? I really want to just focus on changing my mindset, and really prioritising myself.

SORRY ABOUT THE FAT ESSAY, just needed to get this off my chest as i know 0 people experiencing the same thing as me.