I keep purging. Is this for me?

Every few months I repeat a similar cycle. I get super ashamed try to go back to being a normal straight boy and purge all my stuff. I then a few months later end up going down a hypno rabbit hole and buy stuff agian. I generally like girls more then boys I think, but I also find the idea of being made to like boys and being a girl so tempting, not even in a lewd way too. Do I need to quit or find sombody to help push me down?