To dance, or not to dance??? Conflictions about father-daughter dance

TLDR: I’m so torn on whether or not to have a dance with my dad. He feels more like a distant uncle to me, but he’s coming to the wedding and groom will be dancing with his mom.

We’ve had a rocky relationship over the years, or rather I have with him… he’s a workhorse cheap immigrant, very Americanized, but has no emotional IQ. He’s apologized in the past when we reconnected after years of no contact for his lack of presence while/after he and my mom divorced (and my mom brainwashed us kids into hating him — he also didn’t do a good job of showing us otherwise).

My relationship with him has been a constant roller coaster of being annoyed by his lack of being a dad, as he did nothing besides put a roof over our heads, and then I’d cut him off, and then later realize I want to have a relationship with him, and then being disappointed when he doesn’t live up to my expectations of things a dad should do. Through therapy over the years, I’ve not decided to cut him off but realized he just doesn’t have the tools to be the dad I always wanted and saw my friends had.

I’m currently annoyed because he seems sooo excited for me and my fiancee, but he hasn’t offered to help us in any way in this wedding process. He’s going through some health issues right now where he can’t really drive, and is overall just a huge cheapskate (which is essentially why he and my mom ended bc he refused to spend any money). Which like, fine, I don’t NEED your financial support, I’m probably in a better place than him. But I don’t find it fair to have a dance with him when he has really never been there for me physically, emotionally, or financially or even asked what he could do to help us??

A few months ago he randomly texted me 2 links to songs for our father daughter dance (see screenshot). The first song was written by AI, and the 2nd was a country song (I hate country). I was so angry because not only does he not know me, but those songs do NOT represent our relationship accurately at all, and he hasn’t said anything about the wedding until this point, yet had the audacity to assume we’d be doing that after all we’ve been through? His response to me made me think maybe a friend told him “uh oh, what are you going to dance to?” And he’s never been to a wedding before (he only ever had a civil wedding)

I feel like based on this, the answer will sound obvious, but there’s a part of me that feels weird bc my fiancee and his mom will definitely be doing a dance, and a part of me just wants to appear “normal” since he will be there, it might make more of a scene if he’s there and we don’t dance… and he’s older and maybe I shouldn’t hold it against him that he just doesn’t know how to be an involved dad, or maybe we will have a better relationship over time and I’ll regret not having that moment.

All that being said, if you’re team just do the dance quickly, I’m open to song recs that would feel somewhat relevant or vague enough to not piss me off or make me too emotional in front of 200 ppl 😂🥲

If you’ve made it this far, thank you!!

Sincerely,
A struggling bride with enough decisions on her plate