I want to become a writer.

I've been reading books lately, reading analyses of the books on SparkNotes, and am trying to write essays on them so I can better internalize their narratives and themes. Although I've been stalling on that last step for the past few days.

Also signed up for the SCP wiki, hoping to write a page for that site. Although that has proven difficult. There are a lot of rules they have to keep track of, and I'm afraid I'm going to do something wrong.

Tried to sign up for a creative writing class at my local university. Although I have to take a language arts course first for credits.

As hard as I try, I feel like I'm coming short. I feel overwhelmed by all this. I also feel like my mental health problems are getting in the way. I often struggle to focus on reading and writing when I have all these bad memories of shitty things people have said and done to me. I usually push through with some success. But I'm afraid I might buckle under the pressure soon.

I want to become a writer. I want to be like Poe, and Verne, and Hemingway, and Orwell, and all those other great men I admire. I want to explore deep themes about humanity, love, family, friendship, and philosophy. I want to channel my struggles and tribulations in life into art. But I'm afraid I can't do it.

It sucks the most when I consider my vocabulary is poor and I have shit grammar. I find it ironic that this post proves just how bad a writer I am.