How do I move on when I did wrong and was a horrible gf

My first ex who has always been around since I was 18 Is getting engaged, should I ask him out?

This man has been my support throughout my teen and adulthood, we have discussed every ascpets of life while we dated, even after we broke up and were with different people. My family is not very supportive or understanding of me and I've always leaned on him during tough times. We share the same faith and we have prayed together when things were difficult for me

We have both been single for a while and every time he tried asking me out, i said no. I can't think straight and stop crying ever since he sent me a picture of him going to meet the girls parents. I can't stop crying. What all do you girls consider or look for in a guy when you think about a life partner?. Except for the reason that I feel safe and secure around him I'm not really attracted to him. But I don't understand the heaviness I'm feeling now. I have this fear that I'm not choosing someone who is meant for me. I asked him out and he said no its too late. I even cried and begged to which he laughed. I can't focus on anything since then.