idk what to title

im so sick of being me i wanna love and be loved so bad it’s all i think abt rly i genuinely fall in love with anyone who will just keep talking to me and won’t leave even just online it’s pathetic i’ll i like anyone who likes me on some denji all i want js someone who loves and obsesses over me like i do to others i’ve never had a partner or anything and i don’t rly have friends maybe some like acquaintances but thats it im genuinely a loser who spends all my time alone i should at least be successful since it’s not like im doing anything but im failing school and im broke and i can’t bring myself to try harder it’s impossible i wish i could but i can’t it’s genuinely pathetic im 17 (also im male if u care) im almost an adult and i can’t do anything i can’t even have the balls to just kill myself the few times i’ve tried cutting i love the feeling tbh but i just can’t bring myself to go deep but like with all of this why would anyone wanna love me? why would someone choose me over anyone else? everyone is pretty more successful smarter and anything else that makes someone good im not that i wish i was skinny too im 5’11 130 lbs ish and i still feel fat idek why i never have been fat but idk i feel like id feel better if i was skinner someone which i don’t even think is possible with my frame tbh sometimes i just don’t eat too punish myself and i don’t even have an eating disorder theres nothing wrong with me im just larping i hate myself i wish someone would love me and let me obsess over them and not leave i wish they had problems like me too i wish i knew anyone who was the same as me im all alone idek what i’m talking about atp