Early Monster Memories

I was thinking back before on Gaga’s journey as an artist .. as one does 😄 .. and I found myself aligning so many of my life milestones with the releases of her music. I thought back to when I was 15 and sitting shotgun (a throne not to be fucked with) on a roadtrip my family was going on and I was in charge of the music. I stayed up the night before hetero-izing (word?) a playlist.. including Rush, Pink Floyd, Grateful Dead, The Doors, etc. who are all incredible for the record as well ofc. But somehow .. unbeknownst to me Scheiße slipped into the mix and played while I was asleep. For the rest of the trip my sister kept going “ich klEEbanOBSTA BEUCLAIRN esKUMPUNT mADREE MOWNSTEERR”

… and I don’t know about any other 2010s teenagers, but my identity as a little monster was deeply engrained into the coming out process for me. I was **mortified** that my family knew I liked her music. Not because I was ashamed of Gaga, but because she stood up for everything I am, and I feared that people would know she was a refuge for me musically for a reason.

But I remember on the way back home a few days later (i got shotgun again. score, ik) my dad told me to put on “the german song” 😂😂😂 and I put it on and my dad tried to sing the german part and it was the first moment where I got a sort of signal from my family that it was okay.

I ended up coming out the same week to my dad, and then my sister & then everyone.

I don’t know why I’m sharing this. I guess just to remind myself why Gaga’s music means so much to me. Growing up teachers told me I’d outgrow and regret it her after I got a tattoo of her at 18, and yet here I am at 30. Still a little monster.

I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow Gaga.