How can I get out of a mindset I know is unhealthy when I try and lose weight?

So I am probably 20-25lbs overweight and trying to lose it, but it’s hard, my maintenance is around 1900 calories so I out my deficit at 1500, but within a few weeks of that it became less “eat around 1500 a day” and more “eat no more than 1500” and now it’s starting to be “deficit even further from 1500”. I know this is unhealthy, and I’ve tried just forcing myself to eat 1500-1600 a day, but I start panicking and getting upset, especially since I’m not losing weight fast enough and my parents are telling me how disappointed and upset they are at how fat I’ve gotten during my first semester of college. I hate it, I really do, that judge everything I eat and everything I drink and that’s not making it better.

I know my parents are not helping, but I don’t think they are meaning to hurt me, obesity just runs in both of their families and I guess they don’t want that for me. It’s just they’ve always been like this, and I’ve never been skinny, even as a little kid, and every time I’ve ever tried to lose weight it either becomes this or a binge restrict cycle. I also cannot afford therapy, so that’s not an option, I’m so sorry for wasting anyone who is reading this time.