Exhausted by RPL & RIF

We’ve been TTC for 4 years. We’ve had 4 early miscarriages from spontaneous pregnancies, done 7 IVF cycles with 6 egg retrievals, and 3 FETs - 2 of which failed to implant and the 3rd I’m currently 8dp5dt and still getting negatives on home tests. My beta is still 5 days away 🙄.

I’m just so exhausted.

During an exploratory lap in ‘23, they found endo which they removed and we’ve treated with suppression protocols since. I’m still scarred from my HSG before the lap. I’ve had at least 3 or 4 hysteroscopies, EMMA/ALICE found endometritis once which was treated and retested fine, passed the ERA, and done the kitchen sink FET protocol each time. We’ve tried Omnitrope for retrievals, Nivestym for transfers, and nearly every other supplement you can think of. Im taking 34 pills every day and since im still in FET TWW also two injections a day still. I’ve done acupuncture and massage therapy. Strict diets and relaxed eating. McDonald’s fries and pineapple core and pomegranate juice. I’ve worn the socks. I’ve slept. I’ve walked. I’ve done everything.

We did genetic testing and immunology testing on ourselves. We’ve done PGTA on all embryos. We were able to make 4 euploids across the 6 retrievals. I have one remaining on ice and I just can’t go back and do more retrievals at this point. I’m 40 and tired of being poked for years.

We’ve spent somewhere around $85,000 on all of this with nothing to show for it but a lot of trauma and heartbreak, medical debt, and 20 extra lbs I carry around now.

My RE has been absolutely phenomenal and worked with us to try everything he can think of and anything reasonable I bring to him. Donor gametes or gestational carrier are not options for us and we aren’t interested in adoption.

I’m tired of life being in limbo. I’m tired of watching families grow around me. I’m tired of not knowing if this will happen. I’m tired of worrying what life will look like if this doesn’t work, even though I know my husband and I will still be happy together just us and our dog.

I just don’t know what else to do. 💔