It's not my fault you didnt fucking raise me.

You praise everyone else for being so mature, more so than me,

when you have me taking care of your son almost completely alone while he was doped out and nodding off.

I missed school to take care of the house on my own, manage his roommates and make sure they didn't steal because he chose women he wanted to fuck who only wanted our shit.

You get mad at me for not knowing social norms when my whole life I was isolated in nothing but dysfunction, anger, alcoholism, sex, and blindly following anyone who gave me the slightest bit of what felt like normalcy. Anything to get me out the house only for me to get groomed again and again.

You never helped wjen my parents choked each other, when my mom complained of my father forcing her to do shit against her will, when I confessed he touched me. You yelled at me. I went into foster care and forced police to take me just so my mother could escape. I was a teen and didn't know where i'd sleep, either at a strangers, outside, in a mans bed.

but by all means, because I offer to help people, because I try to be nice, i'm immature. i'm fucking 20, but never got raised, of course I don't know shit. All I know is I dont want to treat people how everyone treated me. And yet you make it a flaw. What about your son abandoning his daughter for strange women and giving them his credit cards? What about all the missed diagnoses they could've helped me get, like the autism diagnosis, because they were busy fighting or drinking? What about the child forcing themselves into potential homelessness and experiencing further abuse just to encourage their parents to split so there was no more abuse? So they could actually handle it like adults and realize they weren't meant for each other?

By all means, infantilize me, because I try to keep peace so I don't have to get hurt. Because I don't want to hurt other people. Because I get ignored when I do advocate for myself so I do it all on my own. Because I worked since the day I could to pay your sons bills and mortgage so we weren't homeless.

i've never felt more pathetic. I want it over. I can't do this anymore, but I cant escape alive. i'll be homeless again, and force my father to be homeless. all I can do is keep trying to force him to get a job while I save to the side for my escape. I hope that old woman loses her tongue so I never have to hear her condescending voice, her mocking me for the sacrifices I made, just for the man who never truly raised me. For the women and men all in my family who never raised me.

but no

i'm an adult child

20 years old with the mind of an infant

a toddler

arent I?