NPD and self-improvement

My therapist cracked a joke about me the other day which made me think about how I use self-improvement and self-education to protect myself and feel superior to other people. He said to me 'You're so magnanimous! Maybe you are the second coming!' I laughed and said 'That would be a terrible...burden.' I didn't want to say burden though, what I was really thinking was 'If I'm Jesus this world is totally fucked.' but it stuck with me and got me thinking about my ego and how I think if I understand people through my deterministic beliefs that it feels like I have power over them. This comment was made in the context of me talking about my ex-partners family and friends, who all abandoned me when I outed him as a convicted pedophile. I told my therapist that I guess I can understand why they do it, basically they had no choice to protect their own world and reject the truth. Now that I've been thinking about that for the last month it seems like I do this a lot when people disappoint me or hurt me. I don't believe they have agency, and if they don't have agency they have no moral culpability. They can't see their biases and that means they're basically too stupid to do the right thing.

This thought lead me to question my endless need to read self-improvement and educational books. I feel like if I just understand more about people that they won't be able to hurt me anymore. It even works sometimes. I don't feel animosity towards the individuals in the situation, but I do feel an intense amount of anger at the situation, and a lot of that ends up reflecting back upon myself. Like, this actual convicted pedophile is more believable than me. What is wrong with me that this is true? So then I launch into a new realm of study and self-examination so I can make sure that next time things will go better. Maybe I won't be surprised, maybe people will be able to believe me, maybe I will be enough that people will want to believe me. Somehow I've absolved them of the blame, but there must be someone to blame and so it lands on me, like I'm the only person in the world with agency, even though I know that couldn't possibly be anymore true than that I'm the only person in the world without agency. It makes me feel like the whole world is just so stupid.

And then off I go again in the shame spiral, 'what is so wrong with me that people find the pedophile to be a better friend and more trusted ally?'