Heaven and Hell are at war in my mind

Before I begin, I just want to apologize for any poor grammar and confusing layout as I’m not the best writer, and i’m against using AI for personal things like this. I will also try and keep this as short as possible as there is a lot of information I am trying to condense here so bear with me.

Some context, about 2 months ago me and a buddy tried psilocybin for the first time and by accident I ended up taking around 6grams (i had no clue that was too much at the time😂). Prior to this experience I had little to no spiritual experience, but I’ve always been into conspiracy and always been skeptical of what i’ve been told. Long story short, the trip it self was awesome, went into the woods and had a blast, but once I came down I was consumed by fear and anxiety and for the next two weeks I was essentially in “spiritual psychosis/schizophrenia.” This was a horrible time as you could imagine, but through it I have been learning a lot. During this i’ve had many inexplainable experiences with different altered states of consciousness. These different states of consciousness are the main theme im going to try and explain here.

Through this experience, it’s like my mind has been split into two parts of a higher and lower mind, or a heaven and hell, and me (or my ego rather) is smack dab in the middle watching them go head to head. After being tormented for those two weeks, i felt absolutely helpless and in my darkest moment, I had a crazy full body sensation that felt like a pure lightness and it totally brought me out of that horrible state of mind. From that point on I’ve been having high ups and downs of vibrational frequency. One week i’ll feel like i’m connected to the divine God of the universe and i’m on a mission/path for it, and the next week it will feel like i’m just a godless entity floating through life. When i’m in the lower state of consciousness any thought i have will be warped and manipulated into making my mind think that everything is horrible and i’m doomed basically.

This has been going on for 2 months now and I just had a experience that has prompted me to write this. Last night I couldn’t sleep because whenever I close my eyes I see crazy patterns of light (usually fractal and sacred-geometry-like), usually green, purple, blue, and red and these patterns of light usually formulate into a wall of eyes or faces. They’re usually kind of blurry but there have been instances where I’ve seen an entire vivid face, like you’d see on your phone, but i saw it when i closed my eyes. Anyway, this kept me up for hours as it usually does, but this time it seemed off. It seemed like it was unnatural and the faces were “evil” with sharp teeth, mean faces, etc. This doesn’t really scare me now since it happens pretty often, so eventually after probably several hours I was able to go into this half-sleep-like state where I was asleep but still conscious somewhat. Eventually I started to have this weird full-body vibration, not like the “stirring” good kind of vibration I get when connected to the divine. This was more of like an unnatural electromagnetic vibration, whereas the divine vibration feels more like a magnetic magnetism if that makes sense. And in this state, I started to see a fractal green spiral pattern start forming. At first it didn’t really have a shape but then it started to look like the body of a parasite. Then it quickly shifted into what was unmistakably a scorpio astrology symbol, and then turned into a wholly mammoth being chased and running. Once I started to catch on to what was happening and came out of the dream like state, an evil laugh started to play inside my head. After this, my immediate reaction was to document everything and turn it into a reddit post for some reason.

Whenever I have a breakthrough of spiritual progression, it feels like I am returned with an equivalent onslaught of targeted anxiety. I will list out the duality’s of these states of vibration:

Lower Mind State
**-**Wake up tired needing naps throughout the day
-Wake up with acne/eye-bags
-Low energy and no motivation to do the things I usually love to do (gym/reading/nature)
-horrible way of viewing myself(worthless/loser)
-no confidence
-godless world
-feel separated from the world
-isolate myself from friends/family
-avoidant of human interaction
-contracted pupils
-Poor image of sexuality(lustful—> women evil)

Higher Mind State
-connected to nature and universe
-high self confidence and pure self image
-optimism of future
-very sociable
-random people talk to me and say hi to me
-things seem to just “go right” throughout the day
-never angry at people
-understanding of others
-wake up feeling great
-wake up with a “glow” to my face
-I feel like my ability to feel emotion is stronger
-High drive/urge to read/research ancient mysticism, spirituality, astrology, and esoteric concepts
-positive image of sexuality (women must be nurtured —> “white tantra”+“semen retention”) Non-lustful

Whenever i’m in the higher states of consciousness, i feel like my purpose in life gets really defined and it’s like I can see my future almost. I also feel like I have an ability to see through “The matrix”, I can see people’s fake emotions vs genuine emotions, etc. It also feels like my higher consciousness and the universe leaves hints, subliminal messages, and synchronicities throughout the day to remind me that i’m on the right track. (Angel numbers 333) I feel like this higher conciousness also tells me things like “Parasite” and “detox” a lot, so that may have significance. There has also been multiple instances where I predict the future without realizing it. I believe this may be archons attacking me, or maybe trials making sure I don’t give into lust and other stuff? I also have several good friends all around my age that experience similar experiences.

I guess my question is, has anyone else experienced things similar too and are maybe a bit more experienced and can help define it?

Overall, I know this kind of sounds like i’m losing it, but I promise i’m actually doing pretty well and i’m just looking for a bit of guidance. I have great friends and family which i’m really grateful for and have a very blessed life. If you made it this far I really appreciate your time and acknowledgment! This is basically just scratching the surface so if you have any further questions please don’t hesitate to ask, and much love and thank you.