I, for one, do not think it is that straightforward. This Subreddit has often debated whether Dong-mae truly loved Ae-sin or whether he was only in love with the idea of her, without ever fully understanding where his heart really lay. Some believe his deepest affections were actually for Yang-hwa, but that he never became fully aware of them because so much of his emotional energy was tied up in trying to understand why he could not stop thinking about Ae-sin. He interpreted that fixation as love, even though the reality may have been far more complicated.

Maybe Dong-mae did not just love the idea of Ae-sin; perhaps he also loved the idea of being in love with her. There is a difference between loving a person, loving what they represent, and loving the version of yourself that exists because of that love. In Dong-mae's case, the third possibility is often overlooked. Ae-sin gave meaning to his suffering. He grew up in a world that treated him as worthless, and much of his life was shaped by violence, rejection, and survival. Then there was Ae-sin, a symbol of kindness, hope, and everything he believed he could never have.

Ae-sin's >!act of saving him as a child!< became a dividing line in his life. There was life before her, and then there was life after her. That is an immense burden for a childhood encounter to carry, especially given the extent of the trauma Dong-mae was experiencing at the time. She became tied >!not only to his survival!<, but also to his understanding of hope, self-worth, and belonging. Perhaps this created a deep knot of unresolved emotions that gradually turned into fixation. Gratitude, admiration, longing, resentment, and a desire for her approval all became tangled together until it was difficult to separate one feeling from another.

Over time, his feelings for her became part of his identity. Loving her transformed him from a man simply trying to survive into a tragic romantic figure. It gave shape and purpose to his story. That is why I sometimes wonder whether he became attached not only to Ae-sin herself, but also to the longing. The yearning, the distance, and the impossibility of it all became meaningful in their own right.

What stands out to me is that Dong-mae rarely seems to imagine a real future with Ae-sin. He admires her, protects her, and longs for her, but he does not appear interested in the ordinary realities of building a life together. By contrast, his relationship with Yang-hwa feels much more grounded. She understands him, challenges him, and sees him clearly, flaws and all. More importantly, he sees her just as clearly. He knows her history, her pain, her compromises, and the difficult choices she has had to make to survive, and admires her still.

There is a comfort, familiarity, and mutual understanding between Dong-mae and Yang-hwa that often feels closer to love than the yearning he directs towards Ae-sin. In many ways, Yang-hwa is one of the very few people with whom Dong-mae can simply be himself, without pretending to be better, nobler, or different from who he truly is.

Loving Ae-sin allowed Dong-mae to be a romantic hero. Loving Yang-hwa would have required something much harder: allowing himself to be truly known.

Who was Dong-mae truly in love with: Ae-sin or Yang-hwa?