When do you finally heal?

I left my PA/SA about two weeks ago, and I give birth in two weeks as well.

I don’t expect to heal quickly however I still get triggered on the daily by things I would get triggered by with my PA. It feels like I haven’t escaped the relationship and I’m scanning for triggers even though i’m safe now.

I haven’t started betrayal trauma therapy yet, but I plan to.

Not to mention I get nightmares every single night that we are back together and he cheats on me. Every night. The same dream. It varies with who, and how, and what I’m doing in the dream, but the common denominator is we are back together, i’m in love, and he cheats, again.

Last night, he “cheated” with my sister and another woman. These dreams have been consistent since we broke up.

This may also be due to the fact that not even an hour or so after we broke up he went back to porn and removed all blockers. As well as reaching out to the girl he cheated on me with during the early months of our relationship - again not even hours after we broke up.

That was enough for me to stand my ground when he called me crying the next day. I don’t want to get back together with a man like that.

Anyways, I’m really struggling. If anyone has any advice, or things I can do to kickstart my healing journey from this, I would appreciate it.