F31 married and taking random men raw

I'm F31, been married to a great stable guy for the last four years. We have been struggling to conceive for the past three years due to his infertility issues.

About a year ago I went out on a girls night clubbing without my hubby and went way, way too wild. I was all tarted up, freshly shaved, fake tanned and looking like a bad bitch. I had just turned 30 and feeling kinda depressed about getting older, coupled with all the anxiety and resentment of struggling to get pregnant.

One thing led to another and I ended up having a one night stand in the club toilets cubicle with a complete stranger. He choked me and came in me raw. I had done some coke with the gals earlier and my inhibitions were down. He saw my wedding ring and didn't care. Called me a cheating bitch as he pumped me and made me wank him with the ring on.

Part of me wanted to get pregnant and just pretend it was my hubbys but as it happened I didn't so didn't have to worry about it.

Since then I have cheated three more times over the last year. All older, all raw, all rough.

Two were almost identical situations but at least I got brought back to a hotel room haha. One of the guys was black so I took a morning after pill.

The last was the most recent and happened about a month ago. I work as a secretary and I fucked my boss let him bend me over his desk and spread me open. Told him my hubby and I were considering going on an IVF journey and would potentially need a raise to cover some of the costs. He told me I would have to earn it.

Anyway, that's my confession, I don't know what is going on or why I'm acting like this.