Stopped speaking to my whole 'family'

*Sorry an nkon tl3t likom fraskom b ketret les postes walakin I didn't find another Moroccan community for this subject*

I stopped speaking to all my family members since 2018.

The reasons are various.

Wslatni hdra mor dhri 3lia o 3la lwalida: tkhayl 3a2iltek t3ayrk bel azma li kayna fl Espagne, tkhayl your cousin igolo liha 'siri l Espagne f les vacances' o hiya tgol 'la la ma nmchich khayfa nl9a khalti o bent khalti Kay s3aw f zen9a'

I didn't mention yet tanamor li kano Kay tnemro 3lia men sghri. They never accepted me for who I am. They always had problems with my body because I was skinnier than I am, or my height because I'm tall, or because I'm shy and I don't like to talk a lot.

My uncle once said I'm mongolia because I'm shy and I don't speak a lot.

One cousin used to give me expensive gifts then mock me because she lived in France, she has money and I don't.

My mother kant Kat 3nfni f sghri and they did nothing about it. They used to tell me nsbr because 'it's your mother' but a mother doesn't burn her daughter. Mok ma kat golch lik lhdra men smta lte7t o ntia ba9a mineur. Mok ma kat chedekch dreb lik netfa o tkhli lik a bald spot f rask. Mok ma kat golkch siri diri chi 7aja khayba o jibi lfloss mli Kat goli liha "mama khasni 7wayej, mama khasni ktoba..."

Lwalida dyali kant kadrbni bla sabab 7it kant mblia o kant en plus 7a9da 3lia 7it kan chbeh l walid. L3onf li dwz 3liha lwalid dwzato 3lia. Remdan kan kaydoz 3lia b7al jahannam. My mother did other things I can't say here but you can imagine what...

I used to be bullied because I used to wear the same clothes, and my mom used to get along with my high-school bullies even if knt kan tchka menhom liha.

Mli salit 9rayti o bdit Kan khdem, wlat katbghi takhod Lia floss o ila ma 3tithach kan tsma meskhota.

O mli chaftni wlit Kan thla frasi o kan ksi rassi, wlat 7a9da 3lia kter. She started to compare herself with me, and compete with me.

She told the family ana meskhota and they chosed to be against me even if they knew she was bad to me mli kent bébé.

Jeddati lah ir7mha hiya lwa7ida li kant Kat 7en fia o galt Lia bli mama kant kadrbni o Ana mazala newborn 7it knt kan bki bzaf.

Now I feel relief when I stopped talking to all of them even my mother. But trauma is still here. Body marks are still here. And I always cry because I miss having a family. Back then I spent my whole holidays drinking and watching my childhood pictures. Now I don't drink anymore because I take depression medicine and I don't want my prayers to not be accepted. The absence of my grandma destroys me even more.

What hurts me is that they continued their life as if they haven't done anything bad to me.

Thanks for reading this knt m7taja nkhwi 9lbi for the 1000 time. It's a loop I keep venting but the pain doesn't fade away.