What’s the point of couples therapy if your partner weaponizes it?

My husband and I have been in couples therapy for about two months.

One of the biggest issues we’re working on is conflict resolution.

Last night, HE initiated the process.

I listened to his grievance and then did my summary of what I heard him say, exactly as we’re supposed to do.

He told me I got it wrong.

Okay. Fine. Then tell me what I got wrong.

Instead, he said, “Never mind. I’m too stupid to say it right,” shut the conversation down, and stonewalled me.

Then I woke up this morning and he was gone.

I feel humiliated.

What makes me so angry is that this isn’t the first time. This is the second time in two months that I feel like therapy has been weaponized against me.

It feels like he uses the process right up until the moment he feels uncomfortable. Then he shuts down, withdraws, and leaves me emotionally flooded. If I react to being treated that way, suddenly the conversation becomes about my reaction instead of what he did.

I feel like I’m trapped in a game where the rules only apply to me.

I’m expected to regulate my emotions, validate his feelings, follow the process, and stay engaged. But if he gets uncomfortable, he gets to abandon the process, stonewall, leave me holding all the emotional consequences, and then walk away.

At that point, what’s the point of couples therapy?

Has anyone dealt with a partner who seems more interested in avoiding shame and accountability than actually resolving conflict? What did you do?