My ex (20M) showed major jealousy and trust issues on a date — AITA for judging him based on one incident ?

My boyfriend (20M) and I (19F) dated long-distance for 6 months. He was genuinely sweet — sent flowers, chocolates, handwritten letters, took up an internship just to stay close to me. But he was very clingy. If I missed a call, he'd ring me back-to-back until I picked up (he did stop after I asked him multiple times). He also had issues with my guy friends — at one point he found out a family friend of mine followed my sister on Instagram and got angry, calling him names.

Things came to a head recently on a date at a café. I casually opened a guy friend's Instagram story and what followed was 30–40 minutes of relentless accusations. It started small — normal questions about how I knew him — but quickly spiraled. When he saw the guy had posted a selfie, he said "who posts their own picture, they should post their girlfriend." I said maybe he doesn't have one. He immediately replied, "oh, you seem to know a lot about whether he has a girlfriend or not." I said I was just assuming. He said, "weird."

Then I shifted my phone while holding a drink in my other hand and he said "oh so you're hiding your phone from me now." I said no. He said "are you sure?" I was genuinely annoyed but stayed quiet.

We then got into a random conversation about him having unfollowed most female celebrities after we started dating, and Kendall Jenner came up. He said every man knows who she is. I said plenty of my friends don't, and jokingly offered to call one and ask — the kind of joke you make when you're clearly not going to actually do it. He said "go ahead, call then. Oh wait, are you scared they'll say something you don't want me to hear?" Then he asked 'does he know where you are right now?' I said yes, I'd told him I was going out with my bf because he'd asked about my plans. My ex bf said - Why does he care where you are — oh wait, is it because he wanted to take you out instead?

At this point my discomfort was visible and he said "oh, you're making faces now." I still said nothing.

Then he glanced at my Instagram DMs and noticed I'd saved a nickname for one of my friends. He immediately connected it to something I'd mentioned way earlier — that a friend had saved my name as "Fatty" as a joke — and asked if that was the same person. I genuinely didn't remember because I save funny nicknames for a lot of friends, it's not a big deal to me. I said I thought it was someone else. He said, "so you lied to me."

That was it for me. I walked away in tears. He followed, apologized, but genuinely didn't understand what he'd done wrong — I had to stand there and spell it out. His explanation? "I do this because you don't give me enough reassurance. Do you even make me feel loved? If you had plans with both your friends and me on the same day, who would you choose?"

I was floored — because I had been canceling plans with friends to spend time with him. When I told him that, he said "well next time tell me, otherwise I start being a dick." He didn't owe me anything for that — I did it because he mattered to me, not to hold it over him. When I said I'd never treated him as less important than my friends, he said "that's the problem — why isn't it the other way around?"

He apologized a lot, bought me flowers, and I stayed for the rest of the date. But when I got home and actually processed everything, I realized I'd spent the entire date walking on eggshells — constantly anxious, second-guessing every tiny move so he wouldn't misread it. That's not how I want to feel with someone I love. So I ended it.

In the 3 days since the breakup:

He threatened self-harm

He's been calling non-stop

He texted my friends blaming them for the breakup

He wrote me a full PDF listing everything he loves about me, asking for another chance — multiple times

He hasn't eaten in 3 days and ended up in hospital, and made sure I knew about all of this

He's now asking if we can stay friends

I've blocked him everywhere except WhatsApp because I'm genuinely scared about what he might do if I block him there too.

So — am I being too harsh? Is it unfair to end things based on one bad incident? Should I try to understand where he's coming from and give him another chance?