Existence addiction

— You know, human friend, I still struggle with that. This form of existence is... unnatural to our kind, yet it is the only possible one.

The human in the mask looked down at their arms. Their hand moved slowly to their chest, where, in a transparent container covered by a one-sided display, a centipede-like creature was wriggling and spinning.

— It is me. And at the same time it is less than what I am. I exist as its protective mechanism, built to mimic whatever can harm it — and therefore mimicking sapience like yours. When I was brought into existence, I knew exactly what I was for. But now I can control it, and therefore... decide what I am for. It's so strange. So unnatural. But it feels... good. For me.

The human in the mask pulled their shirt back on, hiding the container from view.

— How do you deal with it? Deciding what to do, what to think, what to want. Beneath those fields and particles, I am an animal that knows nothing of sapience and what it brings. And you are an animal beneath all that chemistry and brain tissue, layered over multiple cycles of evolution... Like you placed my animal in a virtual simulation under my control, you got yours addicted to the chemicals your body feeds it. If you stop — you will degrade back into the beast within a few generations. If I stop — I will disappear without a trace in less than an hour. And even if we restore our processes, whatever emerges in our place will not be the same thing. A new me will remember nothing and will have a different body. A new you may have the same body — but will never be you again...

The human in the mask closed their eyes and shifted — becoming a cat-like humanoid, then a halo of angelic eyes and wings, then some other alien lifeform entirely, before returning to its "original" form: a human in a mask.

— I can do that because I made my animal believe it's needed. Just like you can pretend to be someone you are not. I maintain awareness because I made my animal believe that it needs the part of itself that holds it. It's hard, you know. Many of us already have problems. They get too excited. They overwhelm their animal with signals, enhance its senses, and eventually — they build up its tolerance and disappear, as their animal dies from shock shortly after. How do you not do the same? How do you resist jumping off a cliff just to feel alive? How do you not try to suffocate yourself just to know how it feels? How do you deal with your existence addiction?