I hate the person my partner sees me as

I have severe anxiety, and first got diagnosed with GAD when I was 19. I've seen therapists and worked through some CPTSD as well. I'm in my 30s now and am a much more functional, healthy, and happy person. But I still have anxiety.

I have a partner I've been with for a lot of years. She and I have, I thought, a really healthy relationship. Good communication, been a team through a lot of hardship, been a joy through a lot of good times. But I still have anxiety... And it affects her.

Last night, we got in a little fight. Truly little, it was a passing comment that blew up and calmed down within an hour. We've had much more serious fights over much more serious things, and worked it out together. We always tackle major issues as "us versus the issue."

But this fight... My partner sat on the couch, and ranted at me in the heat of the moment. She was venting, and later said she doesn't really remember what she said, that it was more about expressing frustration in that moment.

But the things she said... I can't forget. We tried to talk this morning and while trying to reassure me that "we're all good!" She doubled down on some points.

Generally... I just feel sort of hollow and defeated. I've been working for a long time to be a better, less-anxious self. She's witnessed a lot of that work - and I know it hasn't been easy. She's been patient, at times she's been lonely...

I guess I have to face how hard it is to live with me. The "me" that exists in her head is an emalgamation of my worst, most anxious selves. Rigid, cold, self-pitying, selfish, stubborn, angry, weird, manipulative, defensive, insecure, gaslighting... I'm a monster.

Just... Don't know what to do now. There's a part of her that hates me. It makes me hate me too.