I'm just so scared

I have been suicidal since I was five because I was scared of growing up. I have never made a serious attempt though because I am scared of hell. I want to become religious, but there is a lot involved with that that scares me. As I grow older, I only become scared of more things. There have been constant developments in politics and my personal life that worry me greatly. I can't do even basic things because I find them scary. I just want someone to cuddle me and tell me that everything will be okay. nobody will do that though, so I try to cuddle myself, but that just makes me feel bad because it is so pathetic.