Learning to live

I have been complacent my entire life. Ive continued to gain weight since my childhood. People hurt me and used me and left me but food always made me feel better. I never cared about my weight because i was always capable. I did well in sports and was pretty strong. I kept up with everyone else and out performed many despite my heavier body.

But i kept getting fatter. Eventually around 32 i wasnt keeping up with anyone else. All i wanted to do was sleep and eat. I didnt care anymore. I was diagnosed with depression, sleep apnea, and hashimotos desease.

That was my excuse to continue not to exercise or push myself. I wouldnt take my meds right and eventually i started using drugs to make myself feel better.

Fast forward till about a month ago. I weighed in at 485lbs. My wife couldnt put up with my shit anymore and left with the kids. I went to rehab and just about have a year sober. But im still not taking care of myself with the weight. Im the biggest ive ever been...

So i decide to start... just take my meds, use my sleep machine and eat better. I took a step.

Well im down to 456 this morning. Im sharing this because i feel overwhelmed. Ive changed everything around and im getting results. That is what scares me the most. What if this works and i am not the biggest guy in the room anymore. Who am i then. Ill be a year sober in a few days. My clothes are starting to fit. I can actually play with my kids when i see them. But inside im terrified. How do i stay motivated and how do i face this bravely? I always start shit and then give up. This is the best i have ever done. I think the things i learned about staying sober have molded my weight loss attempt. Ill update regularly.