I'll be ok for now

Well...I've decided to stick around for at least 10 more years. Please save your cheers for the end.

Once my great Gma passes and my youngest brother graduates high school, I'll be allowed to attempt.

As far as what I'm going to be doing, I'm not entirely sure yet. I spent the majority of the past few 5 sober, and it wasn't pleasant, to say the least. I'm not sure how facing these thoughts and feelings head-on is working out for me.

The only thing I need to focus on is the upcoming event in September, the reason I've stayed around for the past 5 years. After that, the next thing I'm looking forward to is my exit ticket.

During this time, I'm going to try to do things that I've been wanting to do. See how far I can get and where it takes me. 10 years is a decent amount of time to do something.

There's always the possibility that I will be ok with taking the longer route and allow myself to die naturally. I hope it's soon, but as of right now, my hands are tied. I still don't want to be here, but I can put up with it for a bit longer.