Have to go to treatment again…

My doctor and dietitian have called it and they are both recommending residential. I’m willing to go for some reasons although none of those reasons is not for recovery.

I can’t let go of my ED, I don’t want to recover, I can’t gain weight. I’m not even as bad as I was last year when I had to go to treatment. I’m just filled with so much anger and hatred, I want to keep getting sicker. I don’t feel ready enough for treatment. Yes, I know, there’s no such thing as “enough.” I still feel so conflicted. 🫩