rant

i really feel like im a disappointment to my father. i dont deserve all these things that hes doing for me and how he treats me. im not good at academics, i have no talent, i dont fucking know how to socialize with others and idk how to even vent to one another. i literally have no irl friends and i only talk to my family im lit a freaking loser. i cant tell my dad how i feel because i dont to add up to his problems since hes already carrying so much too and hes the breadwinner of the family so i know hes also going through something. i havent told anyone about my personal problems. I know its wrong to be jealous of my dad's gf but i am a bit jealous of her since she mostly has my dad's attention. whenever we're at his place shes always there because my dad always calls her to go there, sometimes with her kids which annoys me. but i can't ruin that because he always seems so happy when hes with her. but when hes with me hes just silent and we never talk about anything just small talks and whenevr i try to tell him something hes always busy on the phone chatting with his gf. he always seems so bored with me. but when hes with his gf he all jolly and happy. Im sad because i dont have my own person, my own partner and i know im still young but i just wish i had one girl bestfriend or boy bestfriend who will listen to me and understand how i feel. I just wished my dad gave me more attention. i dont care about the gifts or food that he gives me I just want his attention.