I (31F) get anxious about clutter and my boyfriend (33M) feels criticized. What phrases and routines actually help?

Quick background: I am 31, he is 33. We have been together three years and have lived together for one year in California.

I really like organizing, both physical and digital. I calm down by setting up little systems like lists, labels, and routines. When things feel messy I get anxious and want to fix them right away. My boyfriend is more go-with-the-flow. He is not messy in a gross way, but he leaves stacks of mail, half-finished projects, and random stuff on counters. He also tends to start tasks and leave them around 80 percent done.

The issue: I will start reorganizing or suggest a simple plan, and he hears it as criticism. If I say something like, "Hey, can we reset the kitchen tonight and put things back in their spots?" he gets quiet and says he feels like I am managing him. Then I feel guilty and either over-explain or do it myself and end up resentful.

I am not looking for a verdict about our relationship. I want practical ideas: specific phrases or short scripts and small weekly habits that might actually help a couple where one person needs order to feel calm and the other feels controlled. Ideally something we can try for a month without turning every request into a big relationship conversation.

What are concrete ways to ask for help with clutter without sounding like a parent? What routines have worked for you, like a set time, a short checklist, or a simple rule for shared spaces, that did not make the other person feel judged?

TLDR: I like organizing to manage anxiety, my boyfriend feels criticized when I bring up clutter. Looking for specific scripts and low-drama routines to try.