Day 3. Anyone else deal with anhedonia?

I'm a binge drinker not an everyday drinker, but it's excessive and a problem.

Everything just feels lifeless and like a chore. I'm stressed to the max at work, behind on tons of shit, trying to build a house while GCing it on the side as a single guy, and dealing with a binge drinking and gambling problem. I used to be 185 lbs of muscle that's turned into a 235 lbs sack of lard over the past several years. I haven't been to the gym in 3 months. I've ruined two relationships with two beautiful, wonderful women because I thought I was "the man", now I'm a literal shell of myself at 34. Way too much of the prime years of my life either wasted or squandered.

Now I have to go to some stupid work function tonight with a bunch of important/rich people with high shelf booze at the ready, all while I feel like a literal walking turd.

It just all feels like a vicious circle. I drink because I have low confidence, I have low confidence because I've not been performing well at work, put on weight, and stopped working out, I've stopped working out and put on weight because I drink to excess, and repeat.

I won't drink tonight but it all truly seems pointless to me at the moment. I'm not in danger of hurting myself or anything, but I've been numb to everything for years. I'm putting in a lot of time and effort on this house, just to have to work harder, to make more money, to be more stressed, to be alone in a nice house. I'm also expected to take over the company I work for over the course of the next 10-15 years. Our owner works 60-80 hours a week to run things at the scale that he does, and while he makes amazing money, that is a ton of time to be working. It's also super stressful, with 6-7 figure contracts being the norm, and having to float that amount of money at any particular time.

I have so much to be happy, thankful and hopeful for, but it's all beyond this fog of malaise and stress. My mind is just constantly either disengaged or in the gutter.