24 hours to go and trying not to spiral…

My scope is for tomorrow at 9am. I just finished my first dose of the cursed potion about 25 minutes ago. Every fiber of my being is trying to panic.

49m - have been procrastinating getting my first scope for the last couple years. Never had surgery or been under sedation before but that has me less worried than what they might find. My guts have always been kind of a battleground for most of my life and a lot of symptoms that are things they tell you to watch out for are the kind of stuff I’ve been dealing with almost daily since my 20s.

My tendency to catastrophize is made worse by the fact that my last living close relative (my aunt who was disabled and lived with me) was diagnosed with advanced colorectal cancer in December of 2024 and passed in Feb 2025 at the age of 68 (not of the cancer - she had a heart attack one week into chemo treatment).

Ever since the appointment was scheduled about a month ago, I’ve been stressed thinking about it but the last 48hrs have been constant low grade panic and fear spiraling. Obviously it’s possible they could find nothing at all or a couple of benign polyps but my brain refuses to see that as a likely outcome.

Anyway, I’ve been reading this sub for the last couple of days and I just wanted to let you all know that I’m cheering you on and I hope things come out clear for me. Cross your fingers for me, if you can.