I hit the wall 2 years ago and I haven’t been able to get back up

I’m a 19F, For my whole life i was “the gifted girl” in every school I go to, I was even among the top ten students in my country once. When I became senior the whole thing started, I had a bad year and put too much pressure on myself and all the people around me were expecting so much, i was sleeping 4 hours per day for 5 months till I got burnt out I couldn’t even lift a finger, I ended up delaying a year and it just kept getting worse and alot of buried feelings I was having since my childhood started coming out;
1- I was a people pleaser ( A HUGE ONE ) I spent my whole life studying to become a “Doctor” cause all the people told me to but after that experience I realised I’ve never wanted that. Now I’m so lost and I have no idea what my dream job is, cause I’ve never had the chance to choose to begin with.
2- I never loved myself unconditionally, My love for myself always changes depending on how much I accomplish and achieve so for the last two years it was at rock bottom.
3-I feel guilty towards my parents cause the spent so much money for my learning journey and all their efforts were wasted just because of one year and I blew everything they worked so hard to give me (In my country, the last year of school determines 100% which university I will attend).
4- I’m so afraid of my future, all the girls around me who didn’t had a good gpa ended up marrying young with no jobs or personalities , and I don’t have problem with marriage or anything but I still want to have my own journey and live the life that I dreamed of by myself cause I know have so much potential.

In the past 13 months I deleted all my social media cause I don’t have the energy to contact anyone,even asking me “who are you?” feels so tiring to answer, all i do in my day LITERALLY is laying on my bed staring at the ceiling or sleeping and I stopped feeling anything I don’t remember the last time I laughed or cried from the bottom of my heart (I only try to act normal infront of the other people)I feel like a tissue or a biscuit dipped in tea, and i stopped enjoying the things i used to enjoy,I became addicted to music and porn to get a cheap dopamine and became less focused.

sometimes I think i should try therapy cause i’ve been feeling like this for more than a year but i don’t trust my feelings enough I might be imagining things cause depressed people are sad 24/7 and suffered a major trauma right? I’m feeling mostly numb and a little sad, and my friend told me it’s not that serious and i’m just kinda dramatic and it’ll pass