Can I be a lesbian without feeling it down there?

*just wanna warn that I’ll be describing some sexual details in this post*

I hope it’s not too weird of a question. I’ve been trying to discover and understand my sexuality for a while. Grew up with a lot of repression and trying to find ways to like men and prove that I like men (being a fan of fictional characters/celebrities) but I don’t want to get too much into the whole thing cause I wanna focus on the title.

I don’t think I’m asexual. I don’t necessarily know why but I feel strongly I’m not asexual. I don’t know if I either have a lower sex drive or I find it uncomfortable to think sexually because I feel perverted (cause again, growing up, liking girls makes you feel like there’s something wrong and gross about you)

Anyways, I like women a lot. Not sure how I feel about men, to be honest I don’t really think about them that much and when I do, I get more analytical rather than a natural feeling of attraction if that makes sense.

I have a hard time with fathoming penetration or being penetrated. Sometimes i feel like I’m sort of disconnected from my own genitals, i don’t know if that’s still a sexuality thing or it’s something to do with gender discomfort.

When I see a woman and I’m attracted, I feel desire to touch her, explore her body and make her feel good (which is what leads me to be sure I’m not asexual). I have no problem with her touching me but I just can’t imagine enjoying any sort of being penetrated, fingered etc. and I find it uncomfortable (still not sure) which I find very unfortunate cause I wish there was a way for the other person to also touch me in more ways that she would also enjoy.
I guess the description of “service top” feels fitting. I love when a woman is dominant but again I can’t handle being the “bottom” in position.

I just feel like it’s weird that I am this way and it’s making it difficult for me to feel valid. To be honest, I’m still a virgin, and I know I’m supposed to explore sexually first but I genuinely can’t ever find myself being comfortable with what I have down there. And I never feel the urge to touch myself either. Literally never. Most of my arousal and sexual desire is everywhere else but in my genitals. What is that?