Is our future bright or should it end soon?

I am sorry for the writting, english is not my first language and the story is quite messy in my head. I’ll try to be has clear has possible.

For contexte, me ‘18 F’ and my boyfriend ‘18 M’, has been together for almost 3 years. We met at work, because we never went to the same school. I live in a small village and he lives in a smaller village 40 minutes away. I know we are young, but we were friends and it developed into something more passionate i guess you could say. I want advice because i am not sure what our future will be, and it is scary, loneliness is scary but so are relationships.

For the first two years, we would see each other on the weekends. One at my home and the next at his. Then, i got my license, so i could drive. I drove almost all the times i could so we would see each other often. When i got my permit, his mom wouldn’t drive him at mine because she didn’t want to spent gas money for “nothing”. I never had a hard time with his mom but i always liked his dad better. He is more open minded and his mom is, at least for what I know/see, always angry for something. I wont get into the details because its a other story, but she has impact on my boyfriend because he doesn’t feel like she likes him and gives hime the freedom a 17 years old should have. Lets just say she is not my favorite in the family.

He is kind, generous, my family likes him, i do to lol. He loves giving gifts, he gives me just because flowers often, he supports my goals and he is always willing to do something. He has way more positive qualities but these are some that most people will remember. Some poeple will also say that he is rather the slow kind. You know “type B person”. He takes his time, no stress, will forget something any chance ge gets, you get the point. I am the typical “type A”. I want things done before i say it, i want to move fast, has effectively has possible and slowness annoys me. I learn to lived with his, even if sometimes it gets on my nerves still.

To be short, my story is like every other teenage girl story, i dont want to be alone. Its scary to me, cause i dont have 15+ men in my Snapchat waiting for me to be single, i dont like it, nor do i plan on having datin apps. I never had a period in my life where i would party everyday and kiss a bunch of people. At the same time, i was shy and not a part of the “popular group”, what could you expect. I will leave my small town next year ( 2027-2028 ) for uni, witch i am excited about, my boyfriend doesn’t know where he wants to go yet, but we will be in the same school after the summer (2026-2027 ) and this school is small af. Like.. 200 people max, teachers are counted. So we will see each other. He lives to far away, and wont have his license for the beginning of the year so the plan is that he will stay with me or his grandma ( who lives on the other side of my street, juste in front of my house )

Our relationship started deteriorating 4-5 months ago. We had a huge fight, about lying and he told me everything he had lied to me about, or just hide from me. I went trought hell in my past school year, so , i was always clear about the fact that honesty is a big thing for me. My trust is easily broken, so when i heard all that, it hurted me.

We moved on, but nothing was really the same after that. I couldn’t tell you exactly what it was, but i know something was off. After that, we had small to medium fight almsot every week. It was really draining, especially because other things were happening in both our lives. We would always circle around the same problems, witch, for me were quite simple ; he wasn’t listening to me or offering me any comfort, juste solution, witch i told him that when i was mad i didnt want solutions. I even wrote him a book on how to properly react to each “big” emotion I could feel. ( Witch is when I started to ask myself questions ) You know, with the causes, the consequences, what to do and not do. I felt like i needed that for him to know me, to learn how to live with me. Because in the 3 years we spent together, i am not sure he knows me more than a friend does.

He aslo is always trying to win. He will only defend himself or try to find excuses, witch i find anoying in the long therme. I told him that multiple times. He also continued lying to me. I told him I was tired, and on my last straw, and he said : “ dont worry, i will become the men you need”. I was happy. Confident even. But the same night, i got a package. Nothing much, makeup mostly. My parents said that it wasn’t open when they brought it inside, but when i took it it was. He told me he did bring it down in my room. I asked him about it, and, obviously we fought. He said i was always accusing him of things and that i never saw the effort that he was putting in our relationship. Maybe I dont, maybe they just arent big enough.

He told me once, that if I wasnt present in his life he would probably have committed. After sometime, maybe 2 weeks, he told me this was a “metaphor”, juste so i would understand how important i was to him. Someone in my family committed s-ide, it was a really hard time for me and talking about this is difficult, so i dont understand why he did this. Later, months after, he said that i ignored the fact that he needed my help, and that i would prefer breakin up with him rather then helping him get through this. I was confused, and honestly it was insulting. I love this man, and he, once again, gave me bad intentions. Because, yes, it was not the first time that i was a bad girlfriend at heart with bad intentions and goals that were supposedly hurtfull to him. ( its a metaphor, i never wished him bad things )

I always feel like he is lying to me. I always have to ask multiple time just to be sure he is telling me the truth. If I want to know details, i will have to ask. He doesn’t take initiative, not for telling stories, not for dates, not for anything. If he does, it will be last minute.

He told me once i was scary and i was putting a lot of pressure on him, that I was sometime heartless and he felt like i was using him. I know i am not perfect, i am someone who is really direct and i know sometime it hurts. I know I get mad easily especially when i am tired, etc. I know my flaws, but i am working hard on them. I started journaling, taking deeper breaths and a lot of other things, witche he told me he saw a difference. He even told me once that i preferred breaking
Ogup than helping him, and that if we wouldn’t have gotten together he would be dead. His entire life depends on mine! He doesn’t have objective that dont involve me, witch is scary for me. I dont like when people depend on me, i also told him that multiple time.

We had big fights at least 3-4 times sinces the first one. When i say big fight, i mean yelling, crying, bawling our eye out. He his also the kind of dude to punch his thighs or the wall/desk when we fight. I dont find it scary (yet) but i would prefer if he didnt do that.. really not fun fight. I gave us a other chance each time. Each time, it would end in a fight, hurting. If we fight by text, he can communicate and tell his tought, even get mad. When we are face to face, he cannot. He cries, and cant talk. “ it takes time” he says, but i find it hard to belive that you can insult me by text but not in my face you know?.. anyway ;
We broke up once, but his dad was at the hospital near my house, so he came to my house. We talked, it was full of tears and hope and we got back together less then 24 hours after the “break up”. I feel like we had a lot of chances to prove ourselves. It is never working, and even if we are still together i always feel like it might end. In other words, i dont think i see myself with him in the long run. I juste see problems, no progress i think(?) i don’t know where i stand no more.

I juste want to be clear, i understand what he is doing wrong why and how it affects me. I also know i have a part to play, i have flaws and we are a couple, we both have responsibilities and impact on each other.

We have ( idk what to call it ) a team acitivity in august, me, him, my friend and his friend ( withch is also my friend ). We paid lot for it, and we are all exited to participate and, like i said, we will be in the same school next year. We have similar friend group. My dad will drive him to his prom event thinggy in a couple weeks. ( i am his only daughter, we have a close relationship) I am scared its gonna be weird if i leave and that i will regret my decision but i am also scared that i like the idea of him and that if i stay it will be a toxic environment for me and him and if we will end up to exhausted to love each other the right way. Like.. i am not sure i love him. I know i did at some point, but right now, i dont know.

And no, i haven’t talked about to no one. My parents will never like him again if i do, and i find it hard and complicated to explain to a friend. They have great relationships, i dont want to ruin the mood for them i guess. I know they would want to know, but their is always ups and downs it is difficult to follow even for me, the one in the relationship, i cant imagine for someone who is not part of it.

Sorry if it is all over the place, i think i juste needed to take it out of my system. I dont even know if this is the right place to talk about this, i am dont really use reddit much, even less some “categorie of story” or idk.. sorry lol.

I will listen to any suggestions, please give me any ( respectfully formulated ) opinions.