I don’t want to let my parents down

It has been about a year since this fear started eating me alive. As an only child in my family, I carry all the responsibility to give my parents happy future when I grow up, I never minded it. I tried my best to get the best grades and make them proud of me, showing them every A+ I got, just to hear that one “Well done!”. And now that my grades went from Straight As to As and Bs, I just can’t help myself but feel like I am not doing enough for them.

They always told me that I was special and stood out from everyone else even when I was a toddler, that I was naturally clever and smart. And I believed that up until middle school, I met people who were as smart, or even smarter than me. I envied them, envied them so much I sometimes wished they were dead.

I was afraid that my parents would wish to have a child like them, because I am a walking disappointment. After a while I calmed down and started reading more, putting my mind at peace, but still I don’t know how to get rid of that feeling.