Where is this emotion coming from?

I have always felt strongly about babies and children being their own people and not simply their parents possessions. I’ve seen and experienced the harms of enmeshment and possessiveness in family systems. I’m absolutely not a “my son is my one true love!!!!” kind of mom.

And yet, I got a bit emotional when my son (8.5 months) was tossing and turning on me and needed to be put on the crib to fall asleep. It was the first time the crib was more comfortable than my arms. Logically, I know this is great! I love seeing him hit these different milestones, but it still feels bittersweet.

I saw this post about harmful mothering among “boy moms,” and one of the examples was, “treating independence like betrayal or abandonment.” Is that what I’m doing? Is that where this feeling comes from? I would never project this on to my child, but I definitely don’t want to harbor feelings that could spill over on harmful ways.

Yes, I’m in therapy 😭