My existence is a humiliation ritual

I spent three years between 18-21 trying to get any sort of blue collar work. I was never able to get in front of someone, and neither was my male cousin able to.

I went to college after that. What a fucking waste, majoring in CS. It was a horrible financial decision. I could've had 100-150k saved up right now off my minimum wage job instead of the 25k I have now if I didn't go. Leeching off my parents is the only reason.

I still can't support myself, and I'm nearing 30 now. Idk why I'm even trying anymore. I've been pondering getting a portable solar powered charger, shredding my documents and fucking off into the middle of nowhere. I'd spend 10k to get my tubes tied, just so I don't have to worry about a kid and give the remaining 15k to a charity. Maybe one gaza related.

I'm doing nothing with my life. I'm so fucking sorry I was born. I didn't want this