I lived with my Mother all my life, and I never "knew her", as anything more than a complete threatening presence . And, she didnt know me, definitely not enough to ..decide our familial connection was important to protect, and not violate, betray every single day.

So, all these words; connection, trust, reliable, dependable, predictable, accepting, caring, being applied to "people you know who are not strangers"....... means nothing to me.

If the word stranger means; someone you don't know, who can potentially hurt you, because you don't know them, then that never applied to me. I've met perfect strangers who were kinder to me, than my own Mother ever was. AND, have to depend on that kindness because I literally had no one else. .............my entire life.

To me, when someone says "Stranger", all I can think is 'How strange can they be really, comparatively to this psychopath living in my own house?"

Something gets set off in my mind when I hear , 'that person is a stranger , how do you know you can Trust them?!" And I know that's true intellectually, but my reality was very different. Like Oh ,no! "stranger danger!. And I want to say...... 'Oh, you have no idea, try growing up with someone who doesnt recognize you as their offspring, who believes youre an unwanted , uninvited evil intruder in their Life, and then sets out to destroy you, and then everyone telling you , you should Trust them, when I knew I couldnt" , and yet being told constantly ...."but that's your Mother"......which also meant nothing to me, or to her if anyone had bothered to ask her and she was being honest.

This person calling herself my "Mother" , might as well have been any child predator on the street. She looked at me like I was easy prey, not family, like the way you would look at a person you dont know walking through your house uninvited. So, to me Person you know vs. a Perfect stranger. I'll take the perfect stranger every time, even though I know that's not good.

That said, it's not uncommon that I would find someone; like a Dentist, Counselor, Therapist, online, or from perhaps someone I currently see who might say, "well there's always this person". And half the time I get a referral like that, it's one of those "well, lets take a look" and then my PCP is literally googling "Dentists", which I could have done myself . i.e,. "oh, look, this person has 5 stars!". They're never like '" well I see so and so, and he's great". No , that never happens.

And in a way it's fine, it's not ideal, of course it would be better to have a referral from "family or friends", but since I have no family, or friends, that's not really an option.

If I meet a new person for potential help , and they inevitably ask "how did you hear about me?" And I have to confess I found them online..... I swear I see some look of horror come over their face, like "who does that?.... who would go with a complete stranger.............online?" Someone who grew up with "strangers" often being kinder , than all the people you "knew" in your life who didnt believe anything you said, about what you were going through, who gaslit and lied to you, and left you for dead.

And the thing that scares me a bit, isnt' just that this is a flawed way of finding help, aside from that, it's this disconnect thats been a slow gradual realization of the potential danger in that.....that I didnt see before. Where, typically..... nothing is telling me, no don't do that, you should know them. It's not there.

The word "Stranger" is sort of lost on me, because I can't think of anyone more strange, and unreliable, untrustworthy, and dangerous than my own parent was. I "knew" them, and yet I never knew them, as someone I would EVER trust.

So , the idea of someone being a stranger that could be potentially dangerous, unreliable, or untrustworthy feels moot. I always in the back of my mind think, " how bad could they be, really.......compared to your own "family" who constantly lied to me, stole my shit, denied knowing me as their child........who was "family"=a person you should trust?.............who was the most untrustworthy , dangerous, violent person I ever met in my entire life. ....More than any "stranger" I ever met in a dark alleyway. ......and I've met a few.

I'm not even going to start with the whole Trauma bonding thing, and how you have no boundaries or sense of danger, when having been thrown into the ring with a violent predator who was your parent.