4 days since I found out

That my (36f) fiancé (35m) has been carrying on an inappropriate relationship with a woman online.

She lives out of state. They used to work together. Over the past six months he has sent her $1200 dollars.

I saw her on his tiktok about a year ago, told him it made me uncomfortable that he was talking to her so much. Truly did not make a big deal out of it. Just said I didn't like it. So he blocked her.

But then he unblocked her.

Sent her money.

Deleted their conversations.

We haven't been very intimate in the past year. We have sex maybe once or twice a month. His bipolar unmedicated teenager that lives with us full time has a lot of issues. And I have a lot of issues with how he chooses to handle her (which is to say, not at all). It led to resentment and, honestly, there is nothing sexy about a man who won't parent his child. But I thought we were working on it. I was trying. Guess it wasn't enough for him.

He swears that it was just talking; that nudes were never exchanged, that he only deleted the conversations because he knew I wouldn't like it, that sending her money made him feel good about himself, that the conversation never turned sexual. But I can't really know that because he deleted their messages.

He blocked her on everything

Then deleted all social media

Then switched his iPhone out for a flip phone

He signed us up for couples counseling

He's been sleeping on the couch

He says he will do anything to regain my trust

He says that I am the love of his life

But right now I can't see past the hurt.

I truly never imagined he would do this to me.

My brain is telling me to leave him, I'd be okay. I don't need him.

But my heart is telling me to stay and to work on it.

For now, I'm in it. For now, I'm staying.

We'll see where I end up.

There's a part of me that feels like I am overreacting

It wasn't sexual, it wasn't physical.

Let it go

But he hid things from me. He took money out of our household to take care of another woman. He had an emotional affair.

I don't know. I'm just a mess.