Thinking About Happiness, Past Relationships & Regrets

Currently unhappily single.

Today I was talking to a girl on an app about past romantic experiences. And it made me think about something.

I've had 4 relationships total. Girlfriend 1 was about 6 months, girlfriend 2 about 2 months, girlfriend 3 about 6 years (actually 6 years and 3 days exactly) and then my 4th girlfriend about 1 year depending on exactly where you count it as beginning "officially."

My happiest moments in life are almost all with girlfriends 1 and 4. That not being the case with girlfriend 2 makes sense, we were together so briefly. But I was with my 3rd girlfriend for 6 years. By far my longest relationship. And while I can definitely remember happy memories with her, none are among my happiest. Although some are among my worst...

She was not always very kind or supportive. I did love her for sure. But looking back on it now several years later, I wonder if I should've left.

My psychologist told me she was glad when that relationship ended. A friend of mine said he'd have left long before it ended considering some of how she treated me at times.

Idk, it was such a big part of my life. Almost the entirety of my college years. And there were good moments. But none of the best, only some of the worst.

It gives me pause. And I'm not entirely sure what to make of it or how to feel about it.

I can't necessarily say I regret ever being with her. I think maybe I should've left in year 4. Arguably earlier. And I do wonder how my life would've been different now.

Would I have found someone else I'd still be with today then?

Though I hate the idea of never having met my 4th girlfriend, as much as that still hurts.

Idk, I'm just thinking about it all.

My first girlfriend at one point apparently wanted to get back together with me too. I wonder how that would've gone. She did make me very happy. And I loved her deeply. Still have feelings for her today, actually.

I just feel like I have always made the worst possible decisions about relationships. Idk.