(25F) Heartbroken, breakup. Advice and listening ear?

I haven’t really talked to anyone in my real life about my breakup or how it happened. It’s been 2 weeks since we broke up after almost a year together, and honestly, I’m still pretty confused by everything. I barely talk to anyone anymore, especially my family because of how exhausting everything feels.

Throughout our relationship, we fought a lot sometimes daily. Despite that, he was my person, and I loved him deeply.

Early on, I told a few white lies about past relationships and I was avoidant at times, which caused problems. I take responsibility for that. But after a while, it felt like we were having the same arguments on repeat. He would bring up the past and call me every name imaginable. Even when he said he would let things go, he never really could.

Because of that, I broke up with him a few times. The relationship often made me feel worthless and crazy, but we’d always end up reconciling pretty quickly.

Not everything was bad, obviously. If it had been, I wouldn’t have stayed or kept trying to make it work. But 2 weeks ago, he told me he didn’t want to waste any more time on me. I took that as him ending the relationship. Either way, we’re broken up now, and he doesn’t want us anymore.

What I’m struggling with most is how it feels like he stopped caring overnight. I know that’s probably not the full story, but that’s what it feels like.

I’ve been having nightmares about talking to him again, along with other betrayals that happened around the same time. The heartbreak is becoming physical. I’ve been dealing with depression, migraines, chest pain, and constant anxiety.

The worst part is that I’m a STEM student with exams coming up. I’m trying to push through, but sometimes I can’t even get out of bed or turn off Netflix. I know I’m not studying enough.

For those who have been through a breakup like this—especially one where you genuinely thought you’d spend your life with that person—how did you keep functioning? How did you get yourself through work, school, or other responsibilities when your heart was completely shattered?