Please talk me out of going to the psych ward for how the break up is making me feel.

I dont know what to do anymore.. I feel like i have nothing to live for.. I feel lost... sad.. depressed.. hopeless... im too scared to die... so im cursed if im suicidal ill be too scared to do the deed. Im 28 and autistic

The break up is affecting me so bad its the 8th time I got my heart broken and I know im not perfect and made mistakes that could of been fixed by talking it out. I didnt cheat, lie, or put my hands on her or yell or scream. I did none of that. I wasn't a bad boyfriend... but still... the fact she can throw a one year and 3 month relationship away for a different relationship that only lasted 3 months... which I knew wouldnt last....

I know if I go to a psych ward they'll shove pills in my mouth and I've tried every anti psychotic, mood stabalizer and anti depressants in the book.. none of them work... and I've tried and stayed on it long enough to know... I dont want medication... and thats what they're about and I just cant do that anymore... I want to get fixed without meds...... but its hard to get fixed when i chose to remain hung up on the relationship because it feels better then finding someone else and get hurt again...

I dont have friends. But that was my own choice. I feel like so many people are fake these days....

I dont like people who use slang and say oh were cooked and this and that... it makes me so upset... but this girl never was an NPC like that. She never went on social media or used slangs and never followed normal trends which I loved.. and were both autistic.

Even people in their 40s and 50s say it too and im like are you kidding me? I would rather go back in time and be in a permanent early 2000s era and hear people say yo wassup? Let's chill and get lit. And damn im screwed lets try and pick up some b*tches. Then ever hear people go oh im cooked let's rizz up this girl to the skibidi toilet fanum tax.

Idk... im just emotionally exhausted and tired