Fluctuating between sadness and anger.

This is a long one, apologies.

So my [27M] gf [27F] of two years split up with me about 2 weeks ago. We had been fighting off and on for a few weeks over something she felt was the first big ideological difference we'd had. I was under the impression we had resolved this, given that our conversations following the argument involved me recognizing that while I didn't agree on how one another approached this topic, that I recognize it's a need that should be fulfilled for my partner and I was willing to adjust and act accordingly to meet this need.

I woke up on a Thursday about 3 weeks ago and felt something was off, I brought this up with her and she expressed she had been thinking about our arguments recently and was sitting in the feelings rather then just letting them pass or ignoring them as she tends to do. Over the next 5 or so days we had a number of conversations, despite her expressing she felt confused and uncertain that gradually made me realize she had been ruminating on our previous arguments and fabricating scenarios and trying to determine how I would act in them. She was very against having these conversations, and continued to express to me that she felt confused and uncertain if what was a valid concern, what was her reacting based on her traumas and wanting to pull away, and her ROCD (ocd subtype that fixates on romantic partners). Throughout this, I don't feel that I ever got an answer to what any of this actually meant or what the solid reasons were.

She expressed concerns that my adjusting my mindset on the aforementioned argument (which revolved around how we approach conflict) was me changing to try and fit a version of me she wanted. In my mind this is apart of relationships and that we will identify needs that one another has and need to adjust and be flexible in our approach to life to grow with one another. She told me multiple times that she felt confused by what she was feeling and needed time to work through whether she felt it would be at all possible to work through this together or if she needed to do it alone. As we continued to talk she told me that she had felt uncertain of our relationship for a number of months (very frustrating that I had requested we do couples therapy in March, which she refused because it would be "admitting something was wrong" ) and had "written me off as a romantic partner" in her mind a number of months ago.

This was brutal, to say the least, given that I felt that we had been fighting but we're going through growing pains of a couple talking about marriage, children, and trying to figure out what we each wanted our future to look like. I was fully locked in and prepared to be with this woman for the indefinite future and she had been quietly debating leaving me for months apparently.

I finally said we should split up after 4 days of trying to convince her that I was prepared to work through this and gradually realizing that she had made her mind up and was struggling to say it to me, and at this rate I was going to starve or suffocate just sitting in the uncertainty. We got along fine for a few days and she decided to go visit family out of state. I never got an answer as to whether she felt like it was trauma, OCD, or realistic reasons to leave. I moved out this past week, and have becoming increasingly angry as one of her friends reached out to explain how much time my ex spent telling her about her concerns, how she was adamantly against opening up about her feelings and fears to me for weeks, and that she had suggested a number of times she speak to me about this but was met with resistance from my ex.

I feel so lost in all this, as It has happened in the course of three weeks, and even 3 days prior to the day I realized something was going on we had been camping talking about our future with excitement. It feels as though over night my partner has just disappeared, and I'm left wondering when the last time she told me she loved me and meant it instead of lying. I sent her an angry message the other day and burned any of the goodwill we had with one another, which I regret so badly but Imnjust getting progressively more and more mad realizing she had made her mind up well before I knew anything was wrong.

We've gone full NC at this point, but I'm so filled with regret for sending her a message out of anger, so blindsided that this person I expected to be with forever has just flipped seemingly overnight, and just so.. bleh lol.