Dream

I'm so depressed today. I feel tired in the soul. But finally less crazy than I've felt lately. I am getting well kicking and screaming (on the inside). And today was a hard day. I still miss you. The highlight of my night will be trying to fall asleep imagining you're there so I can rest my head on your chest. I've never had a connection like this to someone, wanting to be so vulnerable with you. And it probably just flashed through your mind and left as quickly as it arrived. After all these years alone (mostly by choice, after the loss). And then you appeared. Changing me and comforting me in ways you'll never know. I know self pity is a cliché, but I can't help but grieve what I had to deny myself, and all I've lost to self destruction. I wish I could dream so I could see you again