No faith in finding a relationship (ramble, maybe?)

I (19) have never been in a relationship and don't see myself in one for a while. I know I'm "still young and have time to find someone" but that's just not happening right now. I've seen relationship content about trans men, and by trans men and I don't feel inspired, or seen by it at all. Because that's their own life and it has no impact on me. All the relationships I've seen irl didn't even last a year before they broke up, and the other person got in a relationship with a cis person right after (regardless of if said other person was cis or not, but they usually were). I'm already not completely seen as a man in my day to day life, so idk how I'd be seen as one in a relationship. Not like my trust issues are through the roof or anything /sar. I was always that kid who was hit on as a joke, so I never really did trust that anyone was really into me even before coming out. That feeling is now made worse by the fact that I'm trans. Regardless of how accepting a hypothetical interested person is, no matter how close we are, I don't feel as if I'd be seen as a man by them. Not even by another trans man. A romantic/sexual relationship sounds nice in theory, but putting myself out there is difficult to even think about. I can't help but feel a little jealous that all my friends are currently in happy and healthy relationships, but I also can't help that I think anyone who shows interest in me is lying to my face. I'm not gonna rain on their parade though because, of course, no good friend does that and it gets me nowhere. I'm also neurodivergent if that makes sense for anything.