Edit: I know this is long, bear with me. I really need to rant lol 

I’ve been dating this guy for about a year. Yesterday I came over to spend the night. Usually when I come over we do the same thing: he’ll put something on TV, sit on the couch with his laptop & watch videos with headphones on. I’ll sit next to him and watch whatever is on TV or scroll on my phone. We’ll talk and if I see an interesting post I’ll show him or he’ll comment to me about whatever he’s watching. 

Now usually I’m fine with this, but it’s not what I want to do every time I come over bc it doesn’t feel like we’re having quality time together. It’s like he’s in his own world & I’m just next to him, even if we talk. He had just gotten home from work so I know he was tired & needs downtime. So I let him be for an hour or two and didn’t say anything. I tried to occupy myself & wait to see if he’ll bring up doing something together. I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie, he says no. So I took a nap next to him on the couch for maybe 45. I wake up thinking he’ll want to spend time together now that he’s had his downtime. I could tell he was pretty drunk once I woke up; he usually drinks every day in the afternoon. 

But when I wake up, he’s asking me if we’re gonna eat. Before I got to his house I went to the store, picked up salmon and other things for dinner. Got to his place, cut/prepped the salmon to be marinated to make later. Well when he asked me if we’re gonna eat it was pretty late like almost 10pm. I ask him if he’ll help since it’ll be faster with both of us. He makes a joke how the kitchen will be too crowded if he helps out, and then just leaves it at that. Well that annoyed me. I ask him what’re we doing after we eat, can we spend time together? He says once he eats he’s going to bed. So that annoyed me more. I’m the one who bought all the stuff to make dinner and he won’t help out with cooking, and doesn’t even want to spend time together afterwards. 😐

I tell him I’m not making dinner tonight it’s too late let’s just save it for tomorrow. I offer to go get us fast food if he’s hungry, he declines but says “you can go get something for yourself” I say ok. I ask him if he wants to come with me just for the ride, he says no. Ok. I make a last attempt at spending time together & ask him if we can watch a movie when I get back. He says ok. I leave for about 20 & come back. At this point he’s already getting ready for bed & turning off all the lights. He leaves a dim light on in the kitchen for me. He comes and kisses me and says goodnight. I’m like “oh you’re going to bed, we’re not gonna watch a movie?” He says no I’m tired. And he goes to bed leaving me by myself in his kitchen.   
I try to scroll on my phone and eat but I’m feeling pretty shitty at this point. Like why am I even here? I should just go home. So I go and let him know I’m going home for the night, he makes a weird face at me but says ok if that’s what you want. I start gathering my things and I can sense he’s bothered so I ask him “you ok? do you wanna talk” and he responds “I’m fine, somethings wrong with you though since you’re leaving” I tell him I was hoping to spend more quality time together and I feel weird sitting out there in the kitchen by myself when we were supposed to be together. 

So this is when he goes off: “You didn’t even make dinner and now I’m going to bed hungry! You aren’t helping make my day better, you’re supposed to be functioning my day just like I do yours.” I ask him in what way he’s helping my day. He says “I AM your day. I asked for one thing, for you to make food and you can’t do even that!” Mind you I’ve cooked the last few times I came over and he refused to acknowledge that. I tell him I feel shitty coming over here and spending money, time & effort to cook you dinner when you won’t even spend quality time with me. “I’m sitting right next to you all night, what do you mean I’m not spending time with you!!! I worked all day and just wanted some alone time. Me watching my videos on my laptop is my alone time! “   
I tell him if you wanted alone time then why did you invite me over? He scoffs, doesn’t acknowledge my point & starts ranting about how I’m mad he’s going to bed after working all day. I let him know him going to bed early wasn’t the issue, it was the fact we had no quality time together. He refuses to listen. 

Anyways I leave for the night and the next day I don’t expect to hear from him. After a fight he usually ignores me for days. But at night he blows up my phone; I think he’ll apologize or feel bad but nope. He berates me instead and insults me for being “sloppy”. 

I can be messy when it comes to my own things but when I’m somewhere else I’m pretty conscious of cleaning up after myself. I know everyone has their definition of cleanliness and he is one of the cleaner guys I’ve met, very tidy. He’ll get upset if I eat a candy and don’t immediately throw the wrapper away. Either way, this is the first time he’s brought up me being “sloppy.” I’ve been to his house a million times. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe I was messier than he would like. But why can’t he sit down with me and have a conversation about it? Like an adult. He never communicates and will just blow up on me about issues without even giving me a chance to correct anything.

Icing on the cake: his last two texts were him complaining about how I get tired of sex before he does. And that me not letting him go down on me is making him “skeptical.” This is the part that really fucking got me. 

This may be TMI, but it’s something he particularly enjoys and he literally goes down on me all the time. All. the. time. I’ve said no maybe 2-3 times recently because Im not always in the mood and want different foreplay. So for him to act like he never gets to do it is crazy. But to say you’re skeptical about our relationship because I won’t let you perform a sexual act on me is genuinely fucking insane. And abusive. 

He knows I’ve been sexually abused by a past partner who would hold sex over my head or guilt me into having sex with him etc. So for him to do the exact same shit was the last straw for me. That’s the last thing he texted me 2 days ago and I haven’t responded. I don’t plan to. In the moment I wanted to go off on him; write a whole paragraph. But fuck that. There’s nothing I can say to make him realize how fucked up he’s being. He has no respect for me. I’m still in shock at him saying that about sex, it’s super hurtful and it’s brought up a lot of old wounds. 

This is what he does; I’ll bring up an issue or a need I’m having and he’ll go off on me and disregard my feelings. Then instead of apologizing, he’ll go off on a tangent about all the issues he has with me that he conveniently never brought up before. I’m embarrassed sharing this much info since I never let anyone into my relationship. I don’t have close friends & I can’t confide in family about this. And although I know in my head & heart I’m completely done with him, it’s really hard to move on when I feel so alone. He’s the only connection I have. I guess I just need some validation that I’m doing the right thing by ghosting him for good. 

My bf is terrible to me