Scared i’m getting addicted

Hey guys. I haven’t posted on reddit in so long, but I need your support.

Some background: In September, I got sober from weed because it triggered psychosis. I also am taking a long break from alcohol because my family won’t support me if I drink (they’re worried it will lead to drugs). I joined AA and MA and it’s been great, but I’ve had a couple of relapses.

I started looking for safer, legal ways to get high, and I discovered kava. I ordered 2 bags and was drinking 3 cups a day. I felt the effects a couple times, but it wasn’t really doing it for me.

Then I discovered feel free, with kava and kratom. I had taken kratom once in the past but didn’t really feel an effect. Well, I bought a feel free and drank it, and I felt buzzed and happy. I loved the feeling. I started drinking one every few days, then it became streaks of multiple days. I would take some time off, then find myself ordering more.

Yesterday I said that it would be my last purchase, and I’d ween myself off by spacing them out further and further. Well, I ended up drinking 2 yesterday and 3 today. I’m currently sitting on the bathroom floor trying not to puke because it made me feel so sick.

I saw the kratom support group online and I’m planning to join that. I know I’m an addict, and I need to find a way to be okay sober. So I’m hoping to connect with others who have had a similar experience and are on the same journey to quit.

I’m going to take things one day at a time and go to the meetings as much as I can. Any support/advice is appreciated!