I don't want to be alone

It just won't let go. I want to live, but somehow it feels like borderline personality disorder creates a barrier between me and other people.
No one understands what I'm saying; no one stays in my life for very long. I find myself begging people to go out with me, just like friends who hang out and have fun.
It feels like I live in a different world. I just wanted someone to talk to. It seems like we’re amazing when we’re in that “king of the world” mode, but when sadness hits, everyone disappears