To the guy who broke my heart and was my first everything

I’m not going to lie. Its hard, its only been a month on the 6th that you broke up with me, and you were talking to another girl at the end of being with me, and started dating her only a week after leaving me…

I put all my trust in you, you were the first guy I wanted to try to be anything with. You were my first kiss, you took my virginity, you took it all, every type of first there is out there in the romantic/love sense, I gave it to you, I trusted you with my entire being. Hell you were the first time I went on a date.

What we had was short lived. It only lasted 4 months and your interest was clearly gone before that, who only sees the girl your supposed to want to be your partner in life once a week when you live 5 minutes from each other and both your lives definitely allow more? But hey, you love bombed me from the first date, I knew so much was wrong but god I wanted you to come to your senses and realize love happens over time, you fall in love with who a person is, you don’t meet someone one on one for the first time and say you love them.

You also wouldn’t go out in public with me from the beginning. I was a secret. I remember my mom being mad you didn’t acknowledge her, that it seemed like whatever we had going on was supposed to be a secret etc, and I defended you. I defended you through everything, even when I knew you weren’t busy but said you wanted to see me more later on, but not now for some reason, I defended you through it all because somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you.

A part of me understands why you wouldn’t go out in public with me. Why you didn’t tell anyone about me, its a small town, our families are close, I didn’t know that you were the type to want to get in a girls pants, then search for something new when you get bored of her then, but I know that now, like some others do and I know you had to keep me a secret because people wouldn’t of liked you seeing me knowing how you are, and how our families are like with each other, how could you do that to anyone, let alone your moms best friends kid, someone your distantly related too out of all people? But you chose to do it anyways… you just had to be careful with this one to not ruin your image. The people I did tell, nobody liked it, because once again, they knew what you were doing, but I wanted you so badly and I was blind to it all.

I think i’d be lying if I said i’ve forgiven you, but I am doing better than what I was, I remember just shaking when I first saw videos of you and her, videos saying your each others best friends etc… I don’t shake anymore… I still feel angry, sad, etc. but… I’m learning how messed up you treated me, I trusted you to show me how beautiful love can be and instead you showed me all the reasons why it scares me.

I miss feeling close to someone, but I don’t think I miss us, I kept wanting to end it at the end, it was this endless cycle of you know somethings wrong, he’s only seeing you once a week, you don’t treat someone you supposedly love like that and not knowing how to leave / fearing how you’d react if I said I wanted out… you leaving stung like hell, it still does, but I think in the long rung that was the best thing to happen to me this year… its now time for me to heal.

When our paths ever cross again, because they will with how close our families are… I hope I can look at you and feel nothing, your just another person in life as much as seeing someone in a grocery store, while having the peace of knowing I will never let you into my personal life again.

- from a heartbroken girl slowly learning to hopefully, forgive and heal. ❤️‍🩹