Back in rehab. Redemption arc time.

Well guys, let’s just say that in the last two months of my life, I’ve seen more horrors than in all of my 27 years on this planet. That was the worst meth/booze bender ever, the bender to kill all benders if you will. I have seen everything awful that you can possibly witness in LA county outside of literal murder/dead bodies, sexual assault, or gang violence.

It all started back in March after getting my car back, and then deciding to black out at the wheel and crash that bitch into some unknown stationary object that set off the airbag. I was so traumatized after that, I decided to do crystal again after 5 goddamn years like that was a good idea.

10k that I saved up in rehab blown within a few weeks… SOOOO many Ubers I took in a drunken stupor. SOOOO many hookers. SOOOOO many 8balls flushed down the toilet or smoked straight into my lungs. SOOOO many homeless, hapless bums I’ve guzzled vodka with. SOOOO many hospitals and jail cells, and so much brain damage from falling on my face and destroying my central nervous system with foreign chemicals that only the Nazis should be using.

SOOOO many seedy hotel rooms that I’ve demolished to the point that you would imagine Ozzy Osbourne (god rest his soul) came back from the dead and decided to party with Steve-O in his prime and they both said together “let’s have a bloody good time!”

Hell, I even tried testing if I could get fucked up enough on substances to see if I was gay (turns out I’m not). Grindrs a pretty cool place to meet fellow tweakers, though.

You know what matters though in the end? I tried… I actually fucking tried so god damn hard the entire time to detox over and over again, to smash the pipe, and pour out the bottle. To keep just a SHRED of humanity left inside of me… That’s all I was fighting for… Just to keep something inside of me that isn’t reduced to just a monster or lower than human.

I went to some dark places I never thought I’d go to, even if I didn’t sacrifice my most core innate morals. Having to ask my little sister for booze money? Deceiving and catfishing people online? Slashing my wrists and thighs again like I’m in high school? Learning how to manipulate others to get what I want, and justifying it because people have done it to me before? Sickening…

However, I never stole. I never hurt anyone physically. I never stuck a needle in my arm. I never did anything mentally scarring in front of children, only in the shadows…

Now I’m court ordered for rehab this time, but I don’t give a fuck about that. I was going to do it for myself anyway. The stars just so happened to magically align so that everything would fall into place at the right time. I’m back in my old room, the room I first got to when I came to this glorious rehab that saved my life back last August.

And you know what? It’s the most beautiful paradise I could’ve ever hoped and dreamed for, especially as someone who just came from jail and off the streets. This nightmare needed to happen to me, and I don’t think it would’ve been different in any other alternate timeline…